Monthly Archives: March 2012

I need a vacation

I’m dreaming of the day that I can fly away to some exotic locale, breathe in the warm breeze, take in the sights, eat some authentic cuisine, and lose myself in another world.

This is how I like to vacation.

Don’t get me wrong, I had a blast last April in Sol Cayo Santa Maria, Cuba with my dear friend Mary. Relaxing at the ____ (insert: beach, pool deck, restaurant, hotel room, catamaran, etc.) was amazing, and sorely needed at the time. I’ll probably do the all-inclusive thing again in the near future. But my true love is culture. There was little opportunity to discover the true Cuban culture on that trip, nor did we particularly seek it out.

My next trip is already in the works. Every pay (weekly) I transfer just $10.00 into my “Squirrel Account”. This is the simple savings account I set up last year for the specific purpose of saving for my next trip. No longer do I have the luxury of just putting a plane ticket on my MasterCard and dealing with the consequences later.

Later is now.

My measly savings totals just over $400.00 as of today, but my trip is not going to be for a while yet. I will take a vacation when I land my career (either before starting or once my vacation allowance is accessible). This gives me some time. I’m not sure where I’m going yet but I know that I will be going somewhere great.

I’ve been fortunate enough to travel to France (twice) and England to visit some great friends from my time in Disney; trips that probably would not have occurred without someone on the other side there to host me. Travelling solo can be nerve-wracking, and I’ve experienced more than my share of travel complications. Closed flights, delayed flights, bankrupt charter companies, lost baggage, almost missed trains, almost missed ferries, cancelled ferries, almost cancelled hired cars, etc. It truly does prepare a girl for almost anything.

One of the best features of the solo trips to Europe I’ve taken (besides spending time with friends I only get to see every few years), has to be the polarity of the time spent there. Both times I’ve travelled to Europe I scheduled my trip in 2 parts. The first part spent with my friend Yann and his girlfriend Flora (Paris in 2006, London in 2008) and the second part with my friend Claire and her boyfriend Mike (La Baule in 2006, Nantes & Cherbourg in 2008). What makes these experience so incredible is how completely different they were from each other.

With Yann, I got to experience big city life both with him and his friends, as well as a lot of exploring on my own. Shopping, museums, galleries, landmarks (e.g. L’Arc de Triomphe, the Eiffel Tower, Versailles, the Louvre in Paris, and Westminster Abbey, Piccadilly Circus, the Tate Modern, Shakespeare’s Globe theatre in London, etc.), bars, and theatre were all a part of my big city experiences. After my first week, it was off to see Claire. With her and Mike, I got to experience road trips through the French country-side, castles, the best zoo I’ve ever been to, Mont St.-Michel, Juno Beach (as a Canadian, this was a big deal for me). With her and Mike, we rented a small boat and visited and dined on a tiny island called Hoëdic off the North-West coast of France.

I experienced French hospitality at its best on both of these trips, and it was overwhelming. I like to think that eventually I will be able to welcome all of these friends into my own home in Canada soon enough.

The invitation still stands.

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What Did You Give Up, To Get What You Got?

Reblogged from Truth and Cake:

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How are your decision making skills? Excellent, fair, nonexistent? If I ask you, hypothetically, to pick only one of the following, which will you choose?



No, I’m not asking you to select between the dashing star of Mad Men and his beautiful partner Jennifer Westfeldt or the funny and likable “Friends” cast before they all became wanna-be movie stars.

Love, Money, Children, Friendship, Personal Fulfillment…

Read more… 674 more words

This is exactly how I feel.

Budget 2012 – Worst Timing Ever

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtLL7pLM-yE - For those of you in government you’ll appreciate this. For those of you who aren’t, it’s still pretty great.

How is it that I managed to be graduating from my Masters of Public Administration degree and subsequently searching for a job with the Federal government at the exact time that massive budgetary cuts are expected and job losses and possible hiring freezes are looming?

Bad Luck.

I can only attribute this to bad luck, because I could not have planned it this way. Being laid off from the private sector during the second wave of the recession in 2010 spurred me to return to school full time and finish my degree faster than I would have if I had continued as a part-time student. As a result of my unconventional grad school timeline, I had to take 1 extra semester and thus complete my studies 1 summer and 4 months after all those I started the program with in September 2009. Due to the convocation schedules at Dalhousie I will not be graduating until May 24th this year.

My first day of my summer internship last year was Election Day. Without delving into my political ideologies and leanings, I’ll just say that I was not overly optimistic regarding my prospects of getting a government job upon graduation based on the results. I wish I could say that I was being overly cautious in my pessimism… but I can’t. Everyone I know in government felt the same way, albeit with a patronising tone of “be patient, it will get better in 2 or 3 years”. Yes, just what a new graduate with loans and a biological clock ticking in her ear wants to hear.

Perfect. So now what?

Fast forward to the present. I am done school; just waiting for the piece of paper I can stick in a frame and hang alongside my undergraduate degree. I am working temp and applying for any government job under the sun, even those I am vastly under- (and over-) qualified for.

Today is the much anticipated, and much dreaded announcement of the federal government budget. This announcement will spell out the cuts each department is required to make, which will in turn lay out the blueprint for cuts to services, job cuts, etc. For me, it will tell me whether I should be looking elsewhere for a job for the medium to long term.

So until I know whether the competitions I’m currently in are going to lead to anything, I am cautiously pessimistic about this budget.

My Twist on a Proverb

The proverb goes:

If you love something let it go, if it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t, it wasn’t meant to be.

I have mentioned this already, but I truly believe that it is vital to one’s sanity (at least my own) to fill my life with positive people, drama-free relationships, and beautiful things. It is no wonder I get stressed when I am surrounded by clutter, dust, negativity, and disorganization.

I am fortunate enough to have wonderful people in my life now that make me smile when I’m feeling low, make me laugh when things are dull, and make me feel valued when life and circumstances are pushing back.  

I want to pass along a bit of wisdom to all of you who find yourself stuck in the familiar situation where the negative influences (people) in your life contribute to your disappointment, make you second guess your value, cause you to cry and/or make you seethe with frustration and anger. These people are not worth the pain they are causing you if they are not willing to forgive, discuss, cooperate, or work with you to fix the issue, even if you contributed to the pain of the situation by some action of your own.

Relationships require work.

I realize that it’s not always possible to avoid conflict and negativity; we don’t always get to choose to check out of a relationship – take family or work colleagues for example. But we do get to choose how we react to the negativity. I’ve learned the hard way that some relationships are best managed very carefully and sometimes necessary limits and expectations must be set. Through my own experiences I know what it’s like to want to fight this truth.

Why should I have to accept a relationship with someone on their terms instead of my own?

I don’t really think that’s what it’s all about. I think you need to evaluate how important certain people/ things/relationships are to you and how much you want them in your life. Then you have to consider the value they bring to your world and how much you would miss them if they were gone. After you’ve done this, you will be surprised at the concessions you are willing to make (or not make) in order to have them in your life.

For me it’s gone both ways. I’ve said goodbye to people who were once thought to central to my existence, and I’ve re-evaluated and set expectations for other relationships to make them more positive. Both changes in my perspective have been extremely positive to my psyche and my relationships. Therefore I propose a new proverb:

If you love something and if you both want to and are willing to make it work, it was meant to be. If not, you will move on and be better for it.

What I Learned from my Nephew Yesterday

isn't he gorgeous?

“Did you write in your journal today?” Asked my nephew Owen yesterday as we were eating supper.

My eldest nephew is the most precious little person in the world (my youngest nephew is a close 2nd, but only because he’s younger and I haven’t known him as long). Owen has a journal too. One that was started by my sister to report on how he does each day at “school”. He draws a picture and dictates to my sister what to write. Owen will be 5 in June and attends day-care through the week. A very intelligent and energetic boy, sometimes he has trouble containing his energy and playtime can end up a little rough. Innocent and caring, Owen, like most of us, knows right from wrong but sometimes (as is the case in life) we get a little carried away. Behaviour issues were starting to take their toll and Owen’s teachers, my sister and her husband were at a loss of how to manage the situation. How to create expectations, enforce rules, and deliver consequences to someone so young and so adorably well-meaning?

Introducing the daily rating scheme.

“How was your day today Owen?” I asked.

“I had an 8 out of 10 day” he responded matter-of-factly.

“How come only an 8 out of 10 day?” I inquired.

“Oh, well because I was being a bit silly today.”

Light-bulb moment.

Days are not simply good or bad. I know this must sound horribly obvious to most of you. But it struck a chord with me. After the day I had had yesterday, and the frustration I felt over disappointing myself for letting an opportunity so important potentially go to waste, I was in a foul mood. It wasn’t until I arrived at my sister’s house for dinner (thanks again for the invite!) and saw my nephews that I was calm enough to vocalize my disappointment. But then again, I had a pretty decent start to my day, and after 6:00pm was pretty great too. So I can’t possibly say that I had a bad day.

I had a 7 out of 10 day. Because I was a little bit silly.

Whiskers on Kittens

Image

{this is Kit, one of my favourite things}

I’m trying to cheer myself up. Julie Andrews seemed like a good idea.

Today didn’t go exactly as I would have liked it to have gone. Proof that in the future I should heed my own advice and not procrastinate and force myself to work until the 11th hour. I’m hoping that this isn’t the end of the road for me for this job.

Today (tonight) my post will not be long, and it won’t be very insightful. I just wanted to let you know that I didn’t forget to post like I said I would.

I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Procrastination and Distraction

I am my own worst enemy.

I’m not sure why I continuously manage to procrastinate so much to the point that the most important things in my life, be they papers, paying bills, tasks at work, calling VISA to cancel my Balance Protection Insurance, etc. Why do I allow myself to add extra unneeded stress to my life?

I’m getting better with the bills. Now that I have a regular (if somewhat deficient) pay cheque coming in, a job where I sit at a desk and can lay my calendar out in front of me, and my TD Bank App on my iPhone… I’ve been very good about paying bills on time.

I used to get my phone bill statement and actually wait until the day it was due to pay it. I was not waiting for a pay cheque or a sudden windfall of cash… Frankly, I have no idea why I waited. And often this waiting and disorganization would result in me paying late, or even forgetting altogether to pay the bill. Then the next month I would be stuck with an even larger payment and a slightly bruised credit score.

And all for naught.

Now take this weekend for example. I am going to be spending the entire weekend at the library writing a huge paper/exam for a job I’m being considered for. Now instead of having it completed (like I had intended to) this week, I’ve let it go to the last minute. I must give myself credit where credit is due though; while I may leave the final touches of projects go until the very end, I am a master planner and will have lists, schedules, flow charts, outlines, etc. of how to go about the tasks. I wish I could say this was all for the sake of organization, but I think a lot of it has to do with easing my anxiety about what needs to get done.

But everything gets done.

Now, while everything indeed gets done, I know it doesn’t get done to the best of my abilities and this is frustrating. I know that if I concentrate and force myself to deal with the anxiety that naturally comes with a challenging project straight-away, then I will be ok. I know that deep down. I tell others the same thing all the time. I think I’m more upset with myself because I know that the stress is causing me to be irritable and I don’t want to be seen as someone that can’t be trusted to manage projects.

Unfortunately, I must acknowledge that I dropped the ball this time, and as a result will be playing catch up all weekend. I’m also hoping that with the upcoming move in 2 weeks I will be able to manage my time better and manage my anxiety better so as to prevent any repeat performances. I believe that physical spaces can have a huge impact on ones mental well-being and the move will be a drastic improvement on the physical environment that is contributing to my stress. Emotional stress is currently heightened as well, and I think that will also be alleviated with the move to a large extent.  I’m working to remove stress. And by removing stress, I will remove anxiety.

Neither of which I have room for in my life.

Parlez-vous Français?

I love all things French. Bilingualism is the goal.

I love the language, the culture, the history, the food (especially the food… come on, who wouldn’t love pain au chocolat for breakfast?), the wine, the architecture, and of course my friends. I am fortunate to live in a country where French is an official language and thus the opportunities to learn and speak are plentiful.

Just not in Halifax.

If I had access to a time machine, or the ability to alter history in my favour in any way, I know the first thing I would do. I would go back in time to the end of grade 6 and convince myself, my parents, and my teachers to make me go into French immersion. In principle I don’t like to hold onto regrets for the simple fact that they are in the past and there is nothing you can do, so why beat yourself up about it? But this is one that has been haunting me for a while now.

As a result of my essentially unilingual education until the 2nd year of my undergraduate degree, I have zero confidence in my ability to speak French, and therefore don’t practice. I don’t know why, I have a fully bilingual (and understanding) sister who I could employ as a conversational French buddy. Unfortunately, I fall into the category of one who understands 90% of spoken French, and responds 90% of the time in English.

This is a very bad habit.

I’ve gone so far as travel to France (twice!) and yet I managed to speak more English with my French friends while I was there… All because their second language skills are far superior to mine. I wonder why? Maybe it’s because they practice.

My dreams of moving to Ottawa to work for the federal government are hinged upon my ability to speak French as it would turn out. Reading? Writing? Not a problem. But speaking?

That’s another story.

If only it was socially acceptable to be 2 glasses of red wine in the bag at all times throughout the day, then I would be uninhibited enough to speak to a francophone colleague in French. Since this is obviously not the case, I need to up my game and step out of my comfort zone and conquer my language barriers sooner rather than later.

Last September I enrolled in an intermediate conversational French class at Université Sainte Anne. $200 dollars for a 3 hour class, 1 night a week for 10 weeks. Quite frankly, it was a worthy investment. I had never spoken so much French in my whole life, and my confidence was actually starting to build. The problem with language (particularly spoken language) is that if you don’t use it, you lose it. Therefore, it’s time to sign up for another class. I’ll probably take the same one over again, but that’s ok…

I need the practice.

Springtime in Halifax

 

 

This will be my first post about my job (read: career) hunt. I warned you, but don’t worry, I know what it’s like to listen to someone speak ad nauseam about the frustrating, labour-intensive, heart-breaking, all-consuming, life-altering process that is searching for a job after finishing school. I listen to it every day inside my own head. I’m not going to put you through that. I WILL on the other hand keep you apprised of my progress through some current competitions.

As those who know me best will already know, last week (Thursday) I got the unfortunate news that I was no longer being considered for 2 positions. One of which I was very much invested in the possibility of getting for the past 3 ½ months. All is not lost though, I had 1 interview a week and a half ago, I attended a written assessment this morning for another, and for yet another position I have a written exam due next Monday. All three positions would be great opportunities and would be in my city of choice:

Ottawa.

The half-glass-full side of me would be excited about this progress, and she is. However, there is still the “worst-case-scenario” side of me that worries incessantly and believes that it’s just not in the cards for me to get the things I want in life.

And to that side of me, I say shut up.

For all intents and purposes I am living in Halifax this summer, and working temp for slightly above minimum wage until I’m offered something else, or until September comes around and I decide to make the leap to work temp in Ottawa…

Whichever comes first.

Therefore, I am choosing to embrace my current city of residence. The fact that it is currently 24 degrees in March in Halifax, with more unseasonably warm weather on the horizon makes this decision much easier to accept. I’m excited about moving to my friend’s house, excited about yoga and BodyJam at Goodlife, excited about patios and walking along the boardwalk, and excited about spending time with family and friends during what could very well be my last summer in Halifax.

Happy Spring.